A Farewell

My dear subhistorians, I am back. Albeit briefly. Eilidh and several other staff here at the Archive have my gratitude for saving me from a rather unpleasant existence. It seems that a group of cultists were trying to destroy time (we now know that they had made a previous attempt). Although they didn’t succeed, they did accidentally create a time artefact, which trapped me and several other entities across the world who have less than usual origins.

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Signherds Required

Over the weekend we attempted to test the “close dimension missing Archivist” hypothesis. We brought in 4th dimensional viewing devices first to check the obvious directions. Disturbingly we all had shadows when looking kata-wise from our plane of existence. Turning the devices to the ana side revealed that someone had left a light source ana-neath the Archivist’s room. This explains the somewhat unusual lighting found in the Archivist’s office, but did not help us at all. There was no shadow for the Archivist.

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Archivist Found… ish.

We have located the Archivist: he is in his office. Unfortunately when we go to check the office he is as resolutely not present as the first time we looked. Archive staff have tried several approaches, including shutting their eyes and swinging their arms wildly, or trying to pay attention to the corners of their vision without actually trying to look for him. Daisy attempted to use her “plant senses” (I have never heard of plant senses and suspect Daisy just felt left out). So far these have all been unsuccessful.

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The Chord of Angels

A group of music theologists discovered the Chord of Angels today. The chord (previously thought to be completely mythological) was believed to bring peace to all who heard it, stop wars, cure depression and polish silver. Unfortunately this is not the case, instead it is literally a chord of angels and summons an angelic host to that location.

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Mysterious Submersible

A submersible craft shaped like a giant rock lobster has been discovered on an isolated beach on a small island in the Banda Sea. It was found by a local fisherman, who told his cousin, who told a friend, and so on until community sources with the Indonesian government heard about it and spirited the craft away before mundane government investigators became involved.

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Bromeliad Negotiator

Following up from our last report it seems that the four letter name on the New Zealand arcade game of destiny reads “BEng”, with a high score of 31,981,112. Bill English is of course the name of the new Prime Minister of New Zealand, leading some to suspect supernatural shenanigans. However the game only referred to a single island and said nothing about the democratic process, leaving local researchers in a state of confusion. The rest of the high-score table is apparently still on the default high score of 30,000,000.

In the Archive we have finally managed to open negotiations with the tiny lizard people. We’re not too worried about the state of the computers they have taken up residence in, as they are easy to replace and we have backups of everything. We are worried, however, about their health if they mine from the wrong parts of our old machines, so we’ve been attempting to introduce them to health and safety ideals, as well as computer manufacturing information. So far there has been little success, they particularly enjoy searching out the tiny amounts of more precious metals involved in computer manufacture. Our best negotiator has been our receptionist, the sentient bromeliad who took the name Daisy.

The bag which they came from has been removed to another facility, as the diminutive lizard person population started a mass migration into the Archive. We don’t know what their population could have been, but given they lived in a BOTITIIOTO bag it could potentially be limitless.

If you enjoy the story please leave the author a comment, as this makes him very happy. You can also help the Archive negotiate with tiny sentient beings by voting at Top Web Fiction. We drift on and off the bottom of the Top Web Fiction list, so a vote each week does wonders for our visibility!