My dear subhistorians, I am back. Albeit briefly. Eilidh and several other staff here at the Archive have my gratitude for saving me from a rather unpleasant existence. It seems that a group of cultists were trying to destroy time (we now know that they had made a previous attempt). Although they didn’t succeed, they did accidentally create a time artefact, which trapped me and several other entities across the world who have less than usual origins.
Events are unfolding, more to come soon.
In other (brief) news a talking aardvark has claimed that all animals can talk, but don’t, as they believe humans have nothing of value to add to the conversation. We think he is lying, but you never can tell.
The Royal Society for Protection of Escaped Sacrificial Vigins (RSPESV, virginity claims not tested) is running a fundraiser this coming Sunday in the Lost City of Mur. Please dress well, access as usual is through your local library.
Help support the RSPESV and the Archive by voting at Top Web Fiction.
We have located the Archivist: he is in his office. Unfortunately when we go to check the office he is as resolutely not present as the first time we looked. Archive staff have tried several approaches, including shutting their eyes and swinging their arms wildly, or trying to pay attention to the corners of their vision without actually trying to look for him. Daisy attempted to use her “plant senses” (I have never heard of plant senses and suspect Daisy just felt left out). So far these have all been unsuccessful.
An alert to the whole Community: The Archivist is missing. Please contact us if you have any information about his whereabouts.
He was last seen this morning, working on an article for this website. Rachel T-, one of our volunteers, saw a bright blaze of orange light from his domain – he claims it is an office, but we all know a domain when we see one – and smartly rang the unidentified incident buzzer rather than rush into whatever phenomenon the Archivist encountered. By the time the response team was present the glow had gone, and so had the Archivist. We’re not ruling out the idea that he’s just popped over a dimension or two for some fact finding or urgent world-saving quest, but he usually leaves a note.
His unfinished article is below so… be careful in Brazil I guess?
A lonely dryad is looking for a romantic partner for long walks in the woods. The archive is not normally a para-mundane dating service (that service is already covered by Mrs Shelton’s Special Introductions), but in this case the dryad is the spirit of a certain Northern woodlands of ecological importance, so we were asked to intervene in order to protect the balance of nature there.
The North American Psychometry Research Institute may be forced to close this year after nearly 300 years of operation. They lost the last of their mundane funding sources some time ago and have been subsisting on dwindling income sources ever since. The process may have been inevitable after mainstream American parapsychology started getting too close to the truth around the 1950s and had to be diverted onto less dangerous paths with a mixture of infiltration, criticism and occasional blackmail. As a result the true strength of parapsychic research has moved to Europe, where it proved easier to control.
All work in the Archive is delayed due to an invasion of diminutive lizard people which spilled out of a recently acquired item. They have taken residence in many of our computers where they enjoy the warmth. Unfortunately they also enjoy mining the metals present there.
It does appear that there is a new high score in New Zealand however. More to follow when we can work on more than an intern’s smartphone.