My dear subhistorians, I am back. Albeit briefly. Eilidh and several other staff here at the Archive have my gratitude for saving me from a rather unpleasant existence. It seems that a group of cultists were trying to destroy time (we now know that they had made a previous attempt). Although they didn’t succeed, they did accidentally create a time artefact, which trapped me and several other entities across the world who have less than usual origins.
Events are unfolding, more to come soon.
In other (brief) news a talking aardvark has claimed that all animals can talk, but don’t, as they believe humans have nothing of value to add to the conversation. We think he is lying, but you never can tell.
The Royal Society for Protection of Escaped Sacrificial Vigins (RSPESV, virginity claims not tested) is running a fundraiser this coming Sunday in the Lost City of Mur. Please dress well, access as usual is through your local library.
Help support the RSPESV and the Archive by voting at Top Web Fiction.
We have finally managed to track down one of the “scientists” involved in the mass-collider experiment that may be linked to the Archivist’s disappearance. It turns out that they are less real physicists and more religious fanatics who believe that entropy, and by extension time, are forces of evil, slowly destroying their deity’s perfect creation of the universe. Rather than studying subatomic particles, or trying to turn lead into excessively expensive, tiny amounts of gold (you know, like you’re supposed to do with a mass-collider?) it seems they were trying to find a way to destroy time itself, thus preventing any further deterioration of the universe. With the side-effect of course that nothing would ever happen again.
Over the weekend we attempted to test the “close dimension missing Archivist” hypothesis. We brought in 4th dimensional viewing devices first to check the obvious directions. Disturbingly we all had shadows when looking kata-wise from our plane of existence. Turning the devices to the ana side revealed that someone had left a light source ana-neath the Archivist’s room. This explains the somewhat unusual lighting found in the Archivist’s office, but did not help us at all. There was no shadow for the Archivist.
We have located the Archivist: he is in his office. Unfortunately when we go to check the office he is as resolutely not present as the first time we looked. Archive staff have tried several approaches, including shutting their eyes and swinging their arms wildly, or trying to pay attention to the corners of their vision without actually trying to look for him. Daisy attempted to use her “plant senses” (I have never heard of plant senses and suspect Daisy just felt left out). So far these have all been unsuccessful.
A group of music theologists discovered the Chord of Angels today. The chord (previously thought to be completely mythological) was believed to bring peace to all who heard it, stop wars, cure depression and polish silver. Unfortunately this is not the case, instead it is literally a chord of angels and summons an angelic host to that location.
We’ve spent a lot of time this week searching for the Archivist. So far our only lead is that the timing of his disappearance coincided very closely with a beneath-the-books experiment at a mass collider. We’re going to have to talk to the physicists and find out exactly what they were accelerating. There have been some reports that other beings not native to our dimension were affected by this as well, so please pass on the information if you know one or are one, ok? Not that I’m saying the Archivist isn’t native here or anything.