World’s Largest Sunflower Cut Down

The world’s largest sunflower tragically had to be cut down today in order to protect its hidden location from cloud giants. The sunflower was about 3km (just under 2 miles) tall and still growing strongly, so had nearly reached the lower areas of cloud giant fortifications. Doctor N-, who has run the gigantic sunflower project since its inception, is reportedly saddened and the end of the plant but upbeat at his growth formula’s massive success.

Providing enough trace minerals for such a massive plant has been a full-time industrial process, employing several hundred people and machinery more commonly associated with mining. Doctor N- has speculated that growing a mere 3000 of these plants would be enough to offset human carbon emissions, although finding the space to do so would be a challenge. Bringing the sunflower down was a difficult process requiring special cutting tools and a well-prepared landing zone. The plant was slowed in its descent by multiple rocket boosters, but the impact was still enough to cause a localised earthquake. Fortunately the flower itself had not yet developed as this would have both made the project exponentially harder and potentially flooded the landing zone with sunflower oil.

Cloud giants are a warlike species which reside in heavily fortified clouds in the mid- to upper-atmosphere. They are mostly occupied warring with each other over the scare atmospheric resources, but will gladly take the opportunity to raid the ground given the right equipment. Their maneating tendencies and the wealth of their rulers was documented in the popular historically-based fairtytale Jack and the beanstalk. Their exact relationship with their terrestrial giant cousins is unknown, but all known terrestrial giants are dormant while cloud giants are all extremely active.

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