Today the ancient dead returned to life.
In the early hours of the morning, the ancient dead crawled from their graves, most long forgotten and covered over. A number of Irish bogs produced withered corpses still with most of their flesh, an Egyptian mummy was heard banging restlessly on the walls of his tomb, Ötzi was found wandering the museum that houses him in Tyrol and a number of South American child sacrifices came down from the mountains. A great number of skeletons also started perambulating, but these were harder to identify. None of the returned dead were younger than 1000 years.
The dead showed a good knowledge of modern events and languages, and all of them that encountered a living person asked what the current date was. After hearing that it was the 19th September 2016 they all appeared to be rather embarrassed. Some swore. Others had to be shown a calendar. None of them were pleased.
They refused to answer questions about an afterlife, with an Irish bog drowning victim saying “That would be f’in’ pointless.” In fact, they were generally stubborn and unhelpful, leaving a large number of frustrated priests, historians and archaeologists. After about 30 minutes or so of milling around they returned to their places of rest. It was reported by a Chilean that one of the child sacrifices told her: “Sorry. We were early. See you soon!” Before walking back up the mountain.
While community members around the world scrambled to erase security footage and cover up for skeletons erupting from carparks at 3am, some religions tried to claim responsibility for the event. These were universally laughed at.
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