Dwarven Removal and Possible Handbag Sighting

The Archive has mostly been cleared of the dwarven infestation. Exterminators were called in while several of us were away during the week. Unfortunately, kill traps are highly unethical to use against such an intelligent (yet disgusting) species, so a campaign of live trapping and relocation was used instead. The traps were baited with a variety of shiny objects, including chocolate money and costume jewellery, as dwarves have a powerful attraction to them much like magpies.

The risk of relocation over extermination is of course that the pests will simply return to their old territory. However, we’ve taken several precautions to make the Archive less attractive to dwarves including: planting a lavender hedge around the border, filling in their old tunnels with granite (thanks to McGrundle’s LavaMite) and painting over shiny surfaces and doorhandles with pastel shades. None of us are big fans of pastels but it’s highly effective so we can live with it for now. I’ve also taken to hanging lavender in my office as it helps to mask the dwarf smell.

There are still a few hanging around – I saw one scurry around the side of a filing cabinet not five minutes ago – but it’s not nearly so bad now.

 

In other news an old lady went on something of a rampage in a city in southern Ontario, Canada yesterday. There were reports of surprising damage being done to innocent bystanders by a handbag. No description of the handbag has emerged and all videos of the incident are too blurry to define, but there are a couple of disturbing parts to the story. Firstly if it is Mrs. Brown’s Handbag then the bag may be making for the American border – this could be disastrous in an election year and every right-thinking member of the community works hard to prevent unusual events interfering with the democratic process. Secondly, and possibly worse, an investigation of the scene to determine whether it was Mrs. Brown’s Handbag found a small broken silver centipede pendant, apparently dropped when the owner was bashed by the handbag. The last thing we need is the handbag falling to the subterranean equivalent of Mrs. Brown! Efforts to track the handbag are ongoing, but everyone on the Canada/USA border please look after yourselves.

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