No report today due to Dwarf infestation

There is no scheduled report today as the Archive has been infested with dwarves. Not H. sapiens with dwarfism, not the honour-bound miners of Tolkien, nor even the Viking metalsmiths of mythology. Dwarves. Round, unwashed invaders who tunnel through your foundations, steal your children and convince them you are an evil witch. Grasping, stinky burrowers, who will convert your perfectly fine town into a faux-Bavarian piece of twee anachronism no matter whether it is suitable for your local climate (see Hahndorf in South Australia, or Pomerode in Brazil). I do not like dwarves.

They have caused chaos in the server room. If we had still had the old paper setup then even more damage may have been done when the little vermin opened their tunnels into the basement, but our organisation has learned from the past and now has multiple points of backup data.

Although they look similar to humans from a distance, Dwarves are actually a species of flightless burrowing bird. Closer looks at their matted hair reveal it to be feathers. Dwarves have the capacity for intelligence and tool use of the smartest corvids and a larger vocabulary than a well-trained grey parrot. They are also sly, tough, territorial and remarkably fast. Removing them will not be easy.

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2 thoughts on “No report today due to Dwarf infestation

  1. Pingback: Dwarven Removal and Possible Handbag Sighting | The Archive of Unusual Events

  2. Pingback: Portents And Unicorn Flowers | The Archive of Unusual Events

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