Treyarnon Giant Caused Landslides

Rockslides at Treyarnon in north Cornwall, UK, have been revealed to be the result of a giant with an urge to wander.

It appears that the giant had been calmly sitting for centuries, or even millennia, however an approaching sea and prolonged rainfall in April this year made it uncomfortable enough that it had to move. After trying out a number of other spots on the coast the giant, apparently unsatisfied with a sea view, moved slightly inland. Having taken a surprising amount of time to realise that this wasn’t a natural event, efforts are now underway to correct the ordinance survey and online mapping efforts to show that the new hill has always been there. As ever, the difficult part of the operation is changing the maps already in peoples’ homes. The South West Coast Path has been moved further inland to avoid the giant and the instabilities it left in the cliff face. The giant itself did not respond to polite requests for a conversation and has been left alone.

Giants are currently all dormant, and most show no signs that they are likely to wake up and start interacting with the wider world once again. They are cunningly camouflaged and almost impossible to distinguish from the surrounding countryside, with some giant experts suggesting that they can change shape in a limited way to disguise themselves, similar to octopuses. There is no known reason why giants became dormant, although some have speculated that they just became bored with humanity and its never-ending dramas.

Similar to the Munroe Baggers of Scotland there is a society (of sorts) of giant climbers, who attempt to view and stand upon every known giant in their geographical area. They are most active in Europe, since that is where the most recorded giants are, but giants have been found worldwide. Giant climbers are considered rather foolish by the wider community, as giants are a) not actually very difficult to climb, rarely being more than 50 metres tall in their dormant state and b) liable to cause untold destruction to the local area if disturbed enough to take action. Still, as we at the Archive recognise, obsessives and their lists are a quiet but powerful force. No doubt some individuals are on their way to Treyarvon as I type.

 

EDIT: Yes J- T-, this article could be read as suggesting that the giant experts and giant climbers are themselves very large. How droll. No one else need write in and point this out to us.

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One thought on “Treyarnon Giant Caused Landslides

  1. Pingback: World’s Largest Sunflower Cut Down | The Archive of Unusual Events

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