More On Bad Suderode Civilisation

Further information has emerged from Bad Suderode’s hidden subterranean civilisation this week.

Normally of course the investigator would spend countless hours and weeks, painstakingly sending camouflaged listening devices and remote drones to learn whether the inhabitants were threatening, record and decode their language and so on. Instead, Professor F- lead an unnecessarily heroic mission into the city, resulting in a wealth of new information, as well as the death of her whole party apart from herself and her athletic lab assistant.

Fortunately for Germany, rather than reveal the presence of an invadable surface world the exploring party emerged into the city from a side tunnel, put on bad French accents and pretended to be from another subterranean civilisation. After inevitably being taken captive, the professor was able to puzzle out the basics of the local language (apparently a curious hybrid of ancient Okinawan and Finnish) and learn more about the troglodytes, or Uchinyllä, as they call themselves.

Their technology is reportedly based on the harnessing of geothermal energy, and as a result they have highly advanced steam power for almost all applications from transport to computing. Electricity has been discovered, but it is used mostly for lighting. The people themselves are unusually tall for cave dwellers and have not taken on the customary albinism.

According the local creation myth, their people were brought to their present location from a land of danger by their centipede gods, who taught them to mine and survive in the underground. It was unfortunately revealed at this point that part of this method of survival was cannibalism and their captors took several of the party for a religious feast. After a daring escape, the two survivors managed to lose pursuit and return to their exit point. Professor F- has stated that the next task is to search Bad Suderode and surrounding towns for centipede imagery, as the lightbulbs used by the Uchinyllä look very much like modern LED power saving models.

Finally, the professor and assistant are now engaged, and their marriage is scheduled for two weeks on Tuesday.



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